


Viscera of the Human Condition

by FlossFlew



Series: Love in Unfamiliar Places [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ethical Dilemmas, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8561944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlossFlew/pseuds/FlossFlew
Summary: Blue struggles with the weight of what she has done to the brotherhood of steel, and the deaths of friends and allies in the destruction of the institute. Piper struggles to comfort her lover as she too can't shift the weight of the war. Blue goes in search of the survivors of prydwen to finish what she started, and Piper stops her.





	

Wet sand sucked at the soles of their feet as they stepped lightly across the Boston beach front. The airport loomed ahead and the sickly sharp smell of burning rubber and steel filled the air. The crashed Prydwen lay crumpled across the tarmac, visible from quite a distance. The heavy salt air made their skin sticky and sodden. A small rumble echoed throughout the sand below them and Piper’s heart skipped.

  
“Uhh, Blue, I think we have some ‘lurks following us.” Blue didn’t turn or even acknowledge Piper’s comment. She was far too focused on the Prydwen’s wreckage in the distance. A razorclaw burst from beneath the sand in front of the pair, only to be shot down quickly. Piper was continuously amazed at Blue’s ability to catch a mirelurk square in the face with a bullet as it rears its head violently from the sand. Killing one any other way made for a tough fight, their shells were nigh impenetrable, especially to the small pellet like bullets of her 10mm pistol. Despite Blue’s insistence to use the modified combat rifle she had made for Piper, she preferred to use her trusty pistol. Thankfully she had Blue to help her out in a fight.

  
“Let’s walk on the road from here, I’m running low on ammo. Maybe we can pick some more up from a passing trader.” Blue sounded tired, broken even. Piper worried for her Blue. After all that had happened, after the brotherhood stormed on the Railroad’s headquarters and killed her fellow heavy and friend, Blue had changed. Glory was more than a fellow heavy to Blue, she was someone Blue looked up to. An example of the humanity found within synths. Glory had changed Blue’s perception of synths, breaking down the mistrust the institute had so thickly spread across her consciousness. The person who solidified Blue’s will as she made the difficult decision to save as many synths as she could and destroy the institute who enslaved them.

  
“Okay, Blue. Maybe we should rest for today, we’ve been walking for hours. You seem tired.” The sun was steadily moving towards the horizon, and a radiation storm threatened from the glowing sea. Blue removed her hat, something she rarely did. Her hair was matted down after being suffocated by the silver shrouds headgear for so long. She then removed her coat and shoved it into her duffle bag, leaving only her underclothes and road leathers on. Without a word she shrugged the bag back over her shoulder. Lightly gripping Piper’s shoulder she gently shook her head and continued walking. Piper’s feet ached.

  
Hours passed and no trader’s came. Piper felt dead on her feet and Blue eventually stopped to let her catch up. They came across a small rubble dwelling that contained a bed. Blue placed a small sheet over it so they could sleep, and shot the radroaches that hid underneath. Piper made them into a modest meal for them both. Piper watched Blue from across the small hearth she had made. She often forgot that Blue was actually named Janet, and that her surname was coincidently Red like her hair. The light of the glowing embers shone on her dark skin, oily with dried sweat and dirt.

  
“Blue.” Piper gently said her name. Blue didn’t respond, her gaze fixed in front of her. Sighing, Piper got up and sat next to her lover.

  
“Janet, c’mon let me rub you down. You must feel filthy.” She responded this time with a loving thankful smile. Piper’s quiet voice brought her out of her grief with its softness. Janet removed her leathers and undershirt, and let Piper wipe down her upper body with a wet washcloth filled with hubflowers. The scent was calming and hid her own body odour.

  
“I’m sorry, Piper.” Janet’s voice was small. Piper pulled Janet’s head to her lips and continued to wipe her down. She resoaked the washcloth in hot water after replacing the old flowers with fresh ones and removed her own leathers and undershirt. Janet waited quietly for the water to clean the cloth before silently cleaning Piper of the grime travelling had layered onto her skin. They didn’t need to talk; their presence was enough. Janet was glad for the silence, her head was filled with grief and rage that wouldn’t quieten. Talking sapped energy she wasn’t sure she had. She massaged Piper’s shoulders, kissing the back of her neck, and held her from behind. Her chin resting on Piper’s shoulder. Janet rubbed Piper’s palms and told her she loved her. They went to sleep curled tightly together on the small single mattress within the dwelling.

  
Piper felt Janet’s soft weeping against her back in the early morning. She turned and let her Blue cry into her chest until she fell into a fitful sleep as the sun rose. The threatening radiation storm had passed over, and their skin itched from mild poisoning. A small burnt patch of ground showed the lightning strike that caused their skin its worry. They both took half a dose of radaway and continued on. A doctor on the long walk home could cure the rest of the sickness, although Piper wished they had brought more than two meagre doses of radaway to share.

  
They came across the Prydwen that afternoon. Janet’s face was flushed with a cold anger that set her jaw into sharp angles and taut muscle. Her grief hung around her like the wreckage of the Prydwen in the commonwealth landscape.  
“You can wait here, Piper. You don’t want to follow me.” Janet’s voice felt like ice. Piper became immediately concerned.

  
“Blue, I haven’t asked why we came here because I trust your judgement. I assumed this is to do with red glare, I understand how hard that was. I was there and-”

  
“-this is for Glory.” Janet cut Piper off midsentence. Her voice was rigid, her hardened sniper rifle gripped tightly in her deft hands. Realization came across Piper and her heart broke. Before she could talk Janet out of murdering Red Glare’s survivors, otherwise innocent people, she was interrupted by a calling voice. It was a brotherhood scribe, a woman. Her voice sounded familiar.

  
“Neriah.” Janet seemed surprised, and her gun pointed to the ground. Piper was relieved. Janet ran to Neriah and spoke in low tones before Piper could catch up and hear the conversation. Neriah looked surprised, then scared, and then angry. Janet grabbed the senior scribe by her tattered lapels, screaming angrily in her face. Piper rushed to separate them.

  
“Blue! Blue, stop.” Piper stood directly in Janet’s path and forced her to lock eyes with her. A deep sadness poured out of Janet’s large brown eyes, a sadness that reminded Piper of herself. For a moment she felt herself transported back to her childhood, the pain Mayburn had caused her. The death of her father. She immediately understood Janet’s pain. She also understood that Janet wasn’t herself.  
“She knows who set up the raid, Piper.” Janet’s voice wavered. “She knows who killed Glory.”

  
“We already know who killed Glory, Blue. That paladin is dead.”

  
“They all should die for what they’ve done!” Janet began to break down. “They should die for Glory! She deserved more, Piper.” Sobs racked at her solid frame. Neriah watched solemnly from afar, too tired and wounded to participate. The crash had nearly killed her, and she was suffering badly from burns.

  
“No more death, Blue. No more dying. The institute is gone, Liam is gone, Glory is gone. It’s over, Blue. No more.” Piper was stern, her fingers digging into Janet’s shoulders. Janet let her rifle fall at her feet with a clang.

  
“What have I done, Piper. I killed the commonwealth.” Grief rolled out with every breath Janet took. She collapsed into Piper, the emotional exhaustion finally breaking Janet’s will.

  
“Shh, Blue. It’s alright. You did what you had to, you saved us. It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t always feel right but you saved us all. You brought life back to the commonwealth.” Janet rested her head against Piper’s shoulder for a moment. Her soft sobs ebbed away and she let out a deep sigh. It left a sad knot in her gut.

  
“How can you stand to love a person who has killed so many?” The question was spoken quietly into the fabric of Piper’s trench coat. She had almost missed it. It was a heavy question, laced with grief and self-loathing. As much as Piper hated to admit, she had wondered it herself. She prided herself on uncovering the truth, no matter how ugly. She felt a continual compulsion to do the right thing, to save people’s lives, to bring peace and safety even at the cost to her own well-being. How does she reconcile the ethical questions of killing, of destroying so much life, in the pursuit of protecting the community of people she was a part of? Late at night she has wondered whether she had lost herself when the sacrifice she made for others included lives other than her own.

  
“Blue…” Piper was unsure how to proceed. Her voice cracked as saliva moved in the base of her throat, making it hard to swallow. She desperately wanted to comfort her lover, but knew that she couldn’t also lie to her. She didn’t know how she could love someone who had done what she had done. Part of her didn’t exactly know if it was right. She still loved Janet though, despite it all she loved Blue.

  
“I love you, “was all that Piper could muster. She felt useless and hollow, Janet muscles were tense against her body. It was as if she was waiting for Piper to tell her that she no longer loved Janet.

  
“I know they deserved it. They were fear mongers, they fought everyone outside of their group, they kept technology from everyone in the naïve belief that only they were capable of keeping it safe, they destroyed the railroad because they refused to talk. Refused to educate themselves before they brought out their fucking fat-mans. They were willing to hurt the people of the commonwealth to defeat the institute. I couldn’t let that happen. I just…” Janet paused for a moment to grip tightly at Piper’s back. “I just wish I didn’t enjoy destroying their own so much. I wish I didn’t want to hurt them still for what they did to Glory. But I do, Piper.” Janet pulled back to look Piper in the eyes. “Piper I want them dead. I have become the very thing I wanted to fight.”  
Piper opened her mouth to respond. No words came out. She began to lift her hand to Janet’s face, but dropped it before she touched her skin. “Janet,” rarely did Piper use Blue’s name but recently she had been using it often, “sometimes radical violence is justified.” Janet’s eyes bore into Piper’s face, hoping for justification that she wasn’t soulless.

  
“The brotherhood had to be destroyed, they began a war we didn’t want to start. They hurt us, they tried to crush us under their weight. They expanded with no thought of commonwealth people. We had to end that. Sometimes when we fight righteously we enjoy it, because all of our pain is being validated. And you fought to avenge Glory. I don’t think you would want to do any of this if she had not died. The fighting would have had you gritting your teeth, the death would have crushed you, there would be no satisfaction.” Janet’s stood like stone. “And Blue, you aren’t enjoying this. Look at you! It’s almost like I’ve lost you.” Piper felt a solitary tear escape, and she didn’t move to wipe it away.

**Author's Note:**

> First part of hopefully a longer fic. Lots of angst. I really wanted to write about the ethical issues of the game's story, so I hope I have captured that. Don't worry I'll write more fluff as I go along, and write something that precedes this chapter.


End file.
